I don't even know...

Things have been crazy.
i got a massive infection on my right big toe, and went to the foot clinic to try to get seen, and was denied... several times. The secretaries didn't even check with so much as a nurse. I told them I am a diabetic with two giant wounds in my toe, which were bleeding through my socks on a daily basis, and they told me no.

Meanwhile, I was trying to get into a finromyalgia study, and my bloodwork came back with all sorts of weird numbers, so I was denied. I took the results to my PCP, who was LIVID that the foot clinic didn't do anything. He put me on clindamycin for 7 days. I took it all, and was still having a LOT of pain, and the pain was spreading, despite the redness getting a bit better. I went to the ER on Saturday because of that, and was given IV Clindamycin, and sent home with a prescription to take 10 more days of oral Clindamycin.

On Sunday night, while getting ready for bed, I was cleaning my foot, and a piece of calloused skin over the infection came off and acted like a razor, slicing deep into my toe. I didn't know what had happened at first. I wondered why my hands were wet, then I realized it was blood. I wrapped my toe in a tissue. I bled through THREE tissues. I decided I needed to go back to the hospital.

At first, they were going to send me home after less than 10 minutes, then, all of a sudden, they decided to admit me. I was there overnight. The podiatry people came in and sliced off a giant piece of my toe. No pain meds, no anesthesia. It hurt! I finally got them to give me a little pain medicine after 3 or 4 hours. I was not a happy camper. Then, they discharged me, telling me to follow up with foot clinic and my PCP within a week or so.

Hopefully all will go well. I am so sick of all of this.

I guess it has been a while.

There is a lot to catch up on, but I will be brief for now.
I was denied the Omnipod.
It wasn't an "official denial" since they offered to let me "pay them several thousand dollars" for it, so I can't appeal.
I can possibly be approved for another pump, but not a tubeless one, and I don't think I can deal with tubing. I really don't. We shall see.
More appointments upcoming.

I am pretty certain it was my apartment that has been slowly killing me for the past three years.
I am out now, and doing better, but it will be a long road.

That's all for now, I guess.

Hi.

Saw the diabetes nurse.
Talked about the pump.
Sent in the paperwork.
Now we wait.

Still swollen, still can't breathe, still need to get the hell out of this toxic apartment.
Hoping to have keys to new place by Friday.

If you're the praying type... I could use your help.

Quickly

Lots to say.
Little time.
Heading to see diabetes nurse today.
Hope to talk about the pump.
Moving for 3/1, barring any catastrophes, which I am not so sure right now that there won't be any... very antsy.
That is all I have time for for now.
More when I am able.

Don't tell me that socialization doesn't better my health!

I am a pretty socially-awkward person, as a general rule. I don't always know how to talk to people, which, in some cases, means that I ramble and say too much and therefore weird people out. and in other cases, I don't say enough, and I miss out on things, or make people think that I am either rude, un-approachable, or both. There is very rarely a happy medium in that regard.

That being said, my state of mental health is almost always better when I do things of a social nature, be that participating in community theatre, going to a show, or just hanging out with friends, family, or framily (my friends who are like family, ain't I creative?). My physical health, I think, also benefits from these things.

For example, the edema, still on-going, more than likely led to some weight gain, in addition to the gain from the edema itself. Doing things like the aforementioned activities gets me out, gets me moving. Granted, I get out and get moving when I am on my own too, but I just feel so many times better when I get to have the human interaction.

There is mold in my apartment. It is not visible, and I don't yet know what to do, but I am looking into it. I am fairly certain that whatever is going on here is the reason I am sick. Perhaps not all of it, but I am certain that something here is the main reason that all of this started.

The strain that was found in the petri dish I sent to the lab (at my own expense) is called BIPOLARIS/DRECHSLERA, and while it is not a "black mold" it is seemingly invisible here, but here... all over my apartment, as I placed the petri dish in the middle of the relatively small space. There is a minimal amount of visible mold in the bathroom, which was here when I moved it, and I have cleaned it multiple times and it just keeps coming back. When I first moved in here, the landlord, in passing, said that the previous tenant had moved out after a very short time because he was "allergic to something" and shrugged it off. He said it so casually that I really thought nothing about it. After about 2 months of living here is when this whole fiasco started and my health has been a never-ending downward spiral.

I still have a lot of investigating to do, but I plan on researching this quite a bit and seeing what can be done about it. All the while, I am desperately searching for a new place to be on 3/1/11.

I heard they had a space program, when they sing you can't hear, there's no air..

I have kept this blog mostly hard and fast facts about medical crap that I go through. I am still sick, and I still really don't have any answers to speak of.
I just sent a petri dish to a lab to have it analyzed, to see if the mold that grew in it is, in fact, toxic, as I really think that there may be something to my theory about being allergic to my apartment.
I have been here just under 3 years, and I have been horribly, violently, ill for just under 3 years. It totally fits.

Aside from that, though, I have to take a moment to thank my friends, my family... my family of friends for being there, and doing what they do.

Music, theatre, and performance arts mean so much to me, whether I am doing or observing. I have some very talented friends, and they are largely responsible for keeping me (relatively) sane throughout all of this. Whether it is going to rehearsals and spending time doing what I love with people whom I love, or going to someone else's show and having fun watching people I love/hanging out with the same.. it makes a HUGE difference in my state of mind, and gives me the hope, the light at the end of the tunnel that I so desperately need. I know that sounds crazy cheesy, but it is totally true.

I am not out of the woods, but with people like you all, I at least feel like maybe I'm stuck there on a warm Spring night, instead of crumbling in the cold.

So thank you. Yes, you. I love you.

So here we are at the start of 2011...

I don't really know what to say.
I am still swollen, still have mobility issues.. still busting my butt to try to make things better, and failing miserably.
Now, I am also looking for a new place to live.
I don't have long and am super scared, because I don't have the money.
I have spent time with friends over the past week, and that was good and bad.
I start rehearsals again tomorrow, so that should be fun.
I am in a pretty deep funk right now though.
Not really sure what to do.