Dizzy, my head is spinning- like a whirlpool, it never ends....

...and it really freaking sucks!

Do you know what it is like to be dizzy all of the time? Evenn while you are sitting down or lying down? To filly "twitchy" at very frequent intervals and have no damn clue why, but to be scared out of your mind because you don't know when one of those twitches may send you toppling over onto a third rail, or into a busy intersection or make you drop a sizzling pan, or any such thing?

I do!  I know exactly what that is like, and I have no idea why and it is so scary! I hate it!

I am shaky all of the time. I sometimes seem to the outside world to be fine, but then I will have some sort of coughing attack, occasionally puke from it, and feel like hell. It sucks. It is so scary. I know. I said that. Whatever.

The mystery remains, but still I try...

Here I am again, trying to update this thing. I have been through the wringer so many times over the past several years but just over 2 years ago, I had a fall. A very bad fall. I shattered my left elbow when exiting a cafe. I did not see the step and there was uneven ground/rubble, it was just bad. My elbow was shattered, yes, but I suffered a lot more injuries and nobody looked at them because of the obviousness about the elbow. I had two surgeries on the elbow and now I have a torn rotator cuff and tendinitis in my arm (on the left, at the very least) and am in a lot of pain in many places.

I have also had episodes of random loss of consciousness since September of 2014 (since immediately after the 2nd elbow surgery) and constantly have dizzy spells, headaches, and vertigo. I suffer from chronic coughing and worsened asthmatic type symptoms over the past couple of years too.

I had sinus surgery in March of 2016 and have had a terrible cough, trouble breathing, pain, vertigo, and basically being in debilitating pain/having spins has remained and gotten worse.

I had an MRI with contrast on my head, and do not yet know the results, and am going to have extensive vestibular testing done in the next week. I am a nervous wreck, but still hopeful that I will get some answers and figure out what is going on.

I still suffer from unexplained edema and it is frustrating and painful, but my kidney function has been stable over the past couple of years, thankfully. My A1C spiked slightly after my sinus surgery because I have been fairly homebound due to worsened dizziness, headaches and vertigo symptoms. The headaches have been debilitating. I feel dizzy even while sitting down sometimes, but I am doing all that I can to "get back out there" so to speak, and move around as much as I can, and the A1C has started to come down again (and it is under 8, so that is really good)

I have a lot of trouble getting around via public transit lately because of the dizzy spells.  I have a GoFundMe page that I set up last year when my dear Missy passed away, and it still remains that I need to take my cats to the vet, and I need money for moving, but now I am absolutely desperate for money for transportation and for paying off my bed, which was in fact very much medically necessary for me to get. If I can get it paid off in the next week ($600, to make the $1000 paid in full) then I am done. If not, then I will owe $1600 with the ridiculous interest and such. Its a pretty time sensitive situation. The page is my GoFundMe page and I would appreciate any and all help received!

Thank you. 

Just keep swimming....

I am still distraught about my Missy.

To make matters worse, her ashes, which I was supposed to have within 2-4 weeks, have not been returned to me, and it has been just over 6 weeks now. This is because THEY LOST HER BODY.
I am freaked out. I can't even function.

I just found out I have osteoarthritis in both hands. The surgery I had a year ago today may well have been unnecessary.

I got a couple other really scary diagnosis but I am not ready to go there yet. I just can't.

My psyche is really fragile right now

There's 7 feet of snow outside and I am trapped in my house. It sucks. Nobody gives a shit if I am alive or if I have heat, electricity, or food, water, insulin....

I can't even...

Missy died a week ago.
She was fine. We were playing. Then, she was just.. gone.
My little headbutter, My princess. The mamacat, Gone.

The story is here:

 gofund.me/Missykins

I have had 7 surgeries in the past 12 months, and as of last night, I may be losing my home come May 1st, so now, more than ever, I really need help. I absolutely hate that I need help, but I do.

I also have things on eBay. I'm doing my best. As always, there is a Paypal donation button on the top (or bottom, I don't remember) of the page.

I will don't apologize for thinking outside of the box.

A certain specialist for a certain thing may have gone ahead and canceled all of my appointments in any way related to this certain thing without my knowledge or consent, the act of which may have rendered 5 months of very hard work and thensome, basically moot.

I may have decided to continue with a certain part of the "training" for this thing yesterday and there may have been a class involved.

Let's say, for sciences' sake, that the class was on "exercise and dehydration" and that there were handouts passed out with information on them. Let's then say that the person "teaching" asked questions, the answers too which were all right there in black and white.  Let's also say that instead of reading the answers in order, exactly as they were on the papers, as answers, when asked for "examples of exercise" I volunteered answers that were nowhere to be seen on the papers, such as "housework" and "caring for/playing with/picking up/chasing after children and/or pets" and I was LAUGHED AT. Yes. Laughed at. Not by the class. By the "teacher". I don't even think that these notions are that far OUT of the box. Have you ever MET a child or a pet? Ever seen one on television? Yeah. I rest my case.

My hands are killing me and I took no medicine today, so I need to go change that. More when I can. I start PT for hand tomorrow.

Still trying to heal....

Left hand still has stitches in it. Still very swollen too- particularly the index finger- it feels full of fluid, and the middle finger feels lumpy, for lack of another word.

The incision sites are still very tender and I can not really have them uncovered for all that long. I can not bend or extend fully, or put much pressure. I wish I knew why it is taking so darn long. It has been very nearly a month since the surgery!

I start physical therapy for it on Friday- my intake, anyway.

So much more going on, but my head is spinning and my hands really hurt. It is hard to type, so I need to rest for now.

Pain

I am in so much pain.
I have virrtually no use of my left hand whatsoever, and am told I must keep it above my heart at all times,
It hurts like hell. There is sharp pain, and tingling, and numbness and throbbing, and it feels like my fingers are full of fluid and i have no idea what is normal. The pain meds barely even take the edge off.  I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless,