I will don't apologize for thinking outside of the box.

A certain specialist for a certain thing may have gone ahead and canceled all of my appointments in any way related to this certain thing without my knowledge or consent, the act of which may have rendered 5 months of very hard work and thensome, basically moot.

I may have decided to continue with a certain part of the "training" for this thing yesterday and there may have been a class involved.

Let's say, for sciences' sake, that the class was on "exercise and dehydration" and that there were handouts passed out with information on them. Let's then say that the person "teaching" asked questions, the answers too which were all right there in black and white.  Let's also say that instead of reading the answers in order, exactly as they were on the papers, as answers, when asked for "examples of exercise" I volunteered answers that were nowhere to be seen on the papers, such as "housework" and "caring for/playing with/picking up/chasing after children and/or pets" and I was LAUGHED AT. Yes. Laughed at. Not by the class. By the "teacher". I don't even think that these notions are that far OUT of the box. Have you ever MET a child or a pet? Ever seen one on television? Yeah. I rest my case.

My hands are killing me and I took no medicine today, so I need to go change that. More when I can. I start PT for hand tomorrow.

Still trying to heal....

Left hand still has stitches in it. Still very swollen too- particularly the index finger- it feels full of fluid, and the middle finger feels lumpy, for lack of another word.

The incision sites are still very tender and I can not really have them uncovered for all that long. I can not bend or extend fully, or put much pressure. I wish I knew why it is taking so darn long. It has been very nearly a month since the surgery!

I start physical therapy for it on Friday- my intake, anyway.

So much more going on, but my head is spinning and my hands really hurt. It is hard to type, so I need to rest for now.

Pain

I am in so much pain.
I have virrtually no use of my left hand whatsoever, and am told I must keep it above my heart at all times,
It hurts like hell. There is sharp pain, and tingling, and numbness and throbbing, and it feels like my fingers are full of fluid and i have no idea what is normal. The pain meds barely even take the edge off.  I don't know what to do. I feel so helpless,

You put your left hand in....

...and hopefully it comes out feeling better, eventually?

Here's hoping, at least! I going in for surgery on my left hand in a few hours.
I am super nervous, but also very hopeful.

I am also in a lot of pain EVERYWHERE ELSE ON MY ENTIRE BODY and I would really like to know why! At least when I am unconscious from the anesthesia, I won't feel it for a short while! Yay!

I won tickets to see a band that some friends have, that I really love and have not seen in far too long, which ALSO happens today (I entered the contest before I knew I was having surgery and I won om Tuesday afternoon, heh!) and I am hoping to make it.

I think it is going to depend on whether or not I can find a friend with a vehicle to bring me and take me home. We shall see.  Fingers crossed....well, not really...part of why I need surgery, I can't move my fingers...but you know what I mean. ;-)

I did see the throat surgeon today and she says that I don't look infected right now, but we do have to keep an eye on it.  If it DOES keep getting infected, I am going to lose the gland on the left side altogether, and that is scary in and of itself, but even MORE scary because the stone on the RIGHT (which is still in there) is so large that if THAT starts acting up (heaven forbid!) there is NO way to get the stone out without taking the gland out, period. (Taking the gland out means  slicing my neck open by my throat. The mere thought freaks me out.)

Anyway, I should stop thinking about that for now. Have not come to that bridge just yet, thankfully!

I don't even know where I left off...

I went to see a headache specialist today, and left with an appointment for surgery on my left hand for Wednesday. Try wrapping your head around THAT one, eh?

Oy. Currently battling infection on December's surgical site and praying that I don't lose the gland altogether, so there's that....

I see a physiologist on Friday...

I've had an average of 2 appointments per day at least 4 days per week recently. It's maddening, really.

I miss fun. I miss music. I miss shows. I miss performing.  I miss hugs.  I miss being social.  I miss snuggling. I really could use a vacation.