Friday, January 21, 2011

Don't tell me that socialization doesn't better my health!

I am a pretty socially-awkward person, as a general rule. I don't always know how to talk to people, which, in some cases, means that I ramble and say too much and therefore weird people out. and in other cases, I don't say enough, and I miss out on things, or make people think that I am either rude, un-approachable, or both. There is very rarely a happy medium in that regard.

That being said, my state of mental health is almost always better when I do things of a social nature, be that participating in community theatre, going to a show, or just hanging out with friends, family, or framily (my friends who are like family, ain't I creative?). My physical health, I think, also benefits from these things.

For example, the edema, still on-going, more than likely led to some weight gain, in addition to the gain from the edema itself. Doing things like the aforementioned activities gets me out, gets me moving. Granted, I get out and get moving when I am on my own too, but I just feel so many times better when I get to have the human interaction.

There is mold in my apartment. It is not visible, and I don't yet know what to do, but I am looking into it. I am fairly certain that whatever is going on here is the reason I am sick. Perhaps not all of it, but I am certain that something here is the main reason that all of this started.

The strain that was found in the petri dish I sent to the lab (at my own expense) is called BIPOLARIS/DRECHSLERA, and while it is not a "black mold" it is seemingly invisible here, but here... all over my apartment, as I placed the petri dish in the middle of the relatively small space. There is a minimal amount of visible mold in the bathroom, which was here when I moved it, and I have cleaned it multiple times and it just keeps coming back. When I first moved in here, the landlord, in passing, said that the previous tenant had moved out after a very short time because he was "allergic to something" and shrugged it off. He said it so casually that I really thought nothing about it. After about 2 months of living here is when this whole fiasco started and my health has been a never-ending downward spiral.

I still have a lot of investigating to do, but I plan on researching this quite a bit and seeing what can be done about it. All the while, I am desperately searching for a new place to be on 3/1/11.

Monday, January 17, 2011

I heard they had a space program, when they sing you can't hear, there's no air..

I have kept this blog mostly hard and fast facts about medical crap that I go through. I am still sick, and I still really don't have any answers to speak of.
I just sent a petri dish to a lab to have it analyzed, to see if the mold that grew in it is, in fact, toxic, as I really think that there may be something to my theory about being allergic to my apartment.
I have been here just under 3 years, and I have been horribly, violently, ill for just under 3 years. It totally fits.

Aside from that, though, I have to take a moment to thank my friends, my family... my family of friends for being there, and doing what they do.

Music, theatre, and performance arts mean so much to me, whether I am doing or observing. I have some very talented friends, and they are largely responsible for keeping me (relatively) sane throughout all of this. Whether it is going to rehearsals and spending time doing what I love with people whom I love, or going to someone else's show and having fun watching people I love/hanging out with the same.. it makes a HUGE difference in my state of mind, and gives me the hope, the light at the end of the tunnel that I so desperately need. I know that sounds crazy cheesy, but it is totally true.

I am not out of the woods, but with people like you all, I at least feel like maybe I'm stuck there on a warm Spring night, instead of crumbling in the cold.

So thank you. Yes, you. I love you.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

So here we are at the start of 2011...

I don't really know what to say.
I am still swollen, still have mobility issues.. still busting my butt to try to make things better, and failing miserably.
Now, I am also looking for a new place to live.
I don't have long and am super scared, because I don't have the money.
I have spent time with friends over the past week, and that was good and bad.
I start rehearsals again tomorrow, so that should be fun.
I am in a pretty deep funk right now though.
Not really sure what to do.