Wednesday, December 28, 2011


Being homeless is going to suck.
I don't really care about me, since I will be dead soon, anyway, if things go the way I keep getting told they are going to go.
My kitties, though... they don't deserve this shit.
I promised them when I rescued them that they have a "forever home" with me.
I wasn't planning on moving into such toxic places. I wasn't planning on getting so sick.
I wasn't planning on dying before I'm 35.

Do I sound angry? Probably because I am.
Nobody has any damn answers for me. I am a human guinea pig. I am a pin cushion. I have no veins, which makes the pin cushion thing a bitch and a half.
Everyone blames the diabetes.

Excuse me?! I do not for ONE MINUTE claim that I didn't fuck up when I was younger. I did. I also made up for it by finding things that work for me, and losing 155lbs on my own and continuing to lose until all of a sudden, I gained 100lbs in THREE FUCKING DAYS. Then my lungs and my heart and my throat and my eyes and my legs and my arms and my kidneys and my liver and my bones and my blood all went to shit.... but since nobody has any answers, they blame the fucking patient. So yeah, I am mad.

I've been exposed to so much radiation that I probably can't ever have kids, but it's okay, because I probably won't ever have a boyfriend since I am a fat, worthless, blob of nothing and nobody will ever want anything to do with me.

I can't go back to school because [the first college I went to full time] and [Mega Student Loan Monopoly] screwed me over so hard.

I can't keep up with my photography business because I am dirt poor and can't replace my camera, which broke a while ago.

Don't get me wrong, I am still fighting. I can't seem to stop fighting.... and I am eternally grateful to the few wonderful souls who donated via my link in my recent entries... I just wish that I didn't have to fight so much all at once.

Can't I just have medical problems OR batshit crazy landlords, instead of MANY medical problems and SUPERFUCKINGBATSHITCRAZY landlords? I really don't know what to do. I don't know what I did in past lives to deserve this.

It sucks, and yes, I am bitter.
If you ever see The Curious Patient on the street (as in walking around in public- not as in next week when I become homeless) you would probably never guess there was a damn thing wrong with me. You wouldn't guess that I can't actually SEE you when I look at you. You wouldn't think that something as simple as putting socks on causes a LOT of pain. You wouldn't guess that I am bleeding internally in more than one part of my body. You wouldn't guess that I am dying... because I am a fucking ray of fucking golden sunshine. I will go out of my way to make sure that YOU are happy. Seeing others happy takes a little bit of the hurt away.

It still sucks though.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Sick of being sick.

I am having so much trouble moving... physically and in the finding a place to live sense.
Last night, I went to a show with some friends and on the way in, I sprained my right ankle (the one I am in PT for to begin with- and the sprain was diagnosed by my physical therapist today) and about halfway through the show I got so nauseated and dizzy and I felt like something was stabbing me in the lower left side of my stomach. (the stabbing pain also happened Sunday morning while I was at church with some friends)
Today, I ate a small, plain-ish sandwich and felt horrible.
Tonight, I am attempting some chicken and angel hair... and that will be my last meal for a while, as I have to start prepping for Wednesday's colonoscopy, which will be done under full anesthesia.
I am in so much pain.
I don't know what to do.
I have very little time in which I will have a roof over my head too... I am searching every day and getting nowhere. No matter what, it is going to cost money that I don't have. If I wind up on the street, I will die. I can't lose my kitties. I am so scared.
I really can't even express it properly.
I am forever grateful to the people who are trying to help me, in every sense of the word.
Thank you.
If you can help, financially, you can send donations via Paypal to or use the "donate" button in my previous post.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Help needed.

So obviously, I have a lot of health issues.
That has been well-established in this blog.
It is getting worse, and the money situation (I am on Social Security disability and I make less than $9,000 a YEAR) has gotten worse with all of the med changes and other related expenses.

Now, I am being evicted for no good reason.
I am fighting it to keep a roof over my head until I find a new place, and searching for one like crazy, but I need to get out of here, and fast.

My landlords are crazy and abusive in many, many senses of the word. I am not safe here.

I am looking for contributions, because I will likely have to pay either a security deposit and/or a realtor fee (last resort- I am looking to NOT go through a realtor) I can't do it alone.

If you are able to help in any way, I would really appreciate it. I made a paypal button and hope that it works.

You can also just send a "gift" to

I really hate that I am doing this, but I am pretty much having a nervous breakdown and I don't know what else I can do.

Thank you,

A Curious Patient

Thursday, December 1, 2011

I guess I never finished that already-long entry a while back...

I probably won't really be able to finish it now either, but let us see...
I had my stomach emptying test and my endoscopy.
I do have gastroparesis and ulcers and some other stuff that they weren't able to see in the endoscopy because we hadn't gotten results on the emptying test yet when I had the endoscopy, and even though I hadn't eaten in about 18 hours, I still had stuff in my stomach. Freaky.

I was doing relatively okay for a while... going to physical therapy for my right foot, going to rehearsals, walking a lot... I was being pretty dang active, actually.

Last Saturday, I woke up so nauseated. I threw up several times and I got really dizzy (thankfully, I was home.. though, alone) and wound up calling someone for a ride to the hospital. I should probably also mention that I have ballooned up about 15lbs in a week, even though I was active and not eating a lot (and eating pretty healthy things, mostly)
I was there from about noon to 11:30pm or so. They gave me IV fluids, 2 litres, I believe, yet they thought nothing of the fact that I didn't desperately have to go to the bathroom. They also didn't acknowledge when I told them that there has been a colour and odor change when I go to the bathroom (urine and feces) which... I don't know if it is important or not, but it freaks me out, for sure.

They did an abdominal ultrasound and they mentioned gallstones, but no need for surgery at the moment. Then they made me drink a contrast, which they said could mess up my kidneys even more, but that they needed it for a CT scan that they MIGHT do... then they did the CT scan and told me I have ileitis and Chron's disease and they gave me prescriptions for heavy antibiotics and sent me home. Thank God I had some friends willing to pick me up, as I was still crazy dizzy and nauseated.

I've been on Cipro and Flagyl since Saturday and nothing really has changed. Well, I haven't been eating, because I've been puking everything up. Until Wednesday, my diet was water, grape juice, and tea. Wednesday, a friend brought Ensure to rehearsal for me, so I have that, and I still have some for if I need more. I did have a turkey burger and a few fries on Thursday, then I had some risotto when I got home. So far, no more puking.

I went to physical therapy today and my PT agreed that I am WAY more swollen and said I need to get checked IMMEDIATELY. I'd spoken to the renal clinic just before, and they told me to come over for paperwork to get blood drawn, so I did that after PT and now I play the waiting game. My stomach is still in a lot of pain. I am getting a lot of leg cramps. My urine output seems less. I am getting headaches and my balance is way off.

I just hope someone can get me some answers and I can get back on the road to feeling better.