I guess I should do a basic round-up.

On a somewhat unrelated note, I fell down some stairs this weekend.
Went to the hospital via ambulance when ibuprofen didn't help.
As I expected, nothing was broken, but I sprained my wrist and knee. I was given immobilizers for both as well as a cane.
Kind of hard to get around with them, and not entirely sure that they are helping. I am in pain, but trying to push through. I have not filled the prescriptions for pain medicine yet. I hate taking extra pills... but damn, this all hurts.
What I could really use is a decent massage. Heck, I could use any massage at this point.

So I have been on the new diuretic since Saturday. It is called Torsemide. No longer on the Lasix.
So the current med list is as follows:

Lantus ~ 50 units in the morning
Humalog~ 12-18 units with meals
Diovan~ 80mg
Levoxyl~ 100mcg (can't remember if I mentioned that my endocrinologist upped that last month or so...)
Zyrtec~ 10mg
Torsemide~ 20mg
Vitamin D~ 2/400 unit tabs

Study medication, which may or may not be a low-dose of Cymbalta (I am off of the Topamax temporarily for the study... and also that gastroparesis med)

No prescription:
Vitamin B Complex+C~ 100mg
Cinnamon~ 500mg

I really don't know if the CPAP machine is working. I ordered a new mask over a week ago now and it still isn't here, so I am using the one that bothers me quite a bit, and nobody has bothered to return my calls about that.

I have had the flu shot and the H1N1 shot. I was given Azithromicin last week when I was feeling like crazp, and after they had been telling me for 3 weeks to take Sudafed, which I did, and it didn't help.

I swelled up last week to the point where my legs where tight, shiny, and immobile. (along with the rest of me...)

I am so sick of going to doctor after doctor, after doctor and getting NOWHERE. No answers. Okay, if you don't know, how about you keep looking til you DO know? What do these people get paid for? "Oh, your electrolytes look normal and all" Okay, so what else could it be?
If my kidney function is good, then its not, then it is.. how about we investigate further?

Are we forgetting a few months ago when the allergist refused to do the tests? Outright refused? What if this is all a huge allergic reaction? But to what? I don't only swell up in the house. I have been swollen for 18 months now. It makes me sick to look at myself.

I am a good person, but people don't look at that. They look at the fact that no matter how damn actuve I am (and I am NOT a sit-around, lazy person. I am a here, theer , and everywhere person) the swelling holds me back and makes me look like a giant fat blob. I am carrying 100lbs of fluid around in me, and I can feel it, and it makes it hard to move, and it makes everything hurt all the time.

I am scared out of my mind, and I just want to be back to size 14-going-on-12-and-losing again.
I miss being somewhat decent looking. I miss being happy. I miss being able to kneel and bend and stretch and touch my toes and all that stuff that normal-ish people can do.

Doctor My Eyes....

So, the Avastin injections were scary and painful.
My right eye bled and the blood is still visible. I am still in pain, but it is not too bad, just rather annoying. I have to put antibiotic drops in four times a day through tomorrow.

I was able to see the show on Wednesday, so that was nice. It was not perfect vision, but it was MUCH better than I was expecting. I will take it, gladly.

Yesterday, I met with a Sleep Disorder Fellow. She was nice, but her superior... not so much.
The fellow mentioned that when I was in for the sleep study (which I had to inform her I had already had) the report showed that (besides the apnea) I cried in my sleep. I had no idea. Nobody ever told me that. I told her I wondered if that MIGHT have been an isolated incident, via a PTSD trigger. I remember VERY clearly that night that just as I was finally falling asleep, there was a HUGE trigger factor on a news broadcast and I woke up with a jerk-type motion and then it took me a while to get back to sleep. Maybe when I finally did, that is when it happened? I have no actual idea, I am just speculating.
The superior came in and said that he does want to fit me for a CPAP, but he also pretty much said that he thinks I am crazy and should be calling psych too. He pretty much laughed in my face when I said I wanted to try to stay clear of any anti-depressants that had a COMMON side effect of edema because of this whole situation. So what... I shouldn't be looking out for myself? Whatever, dude. Nice of you to introduce yourself too...

Today, I have a pre-op physical. I am going to have to get there on my own. I am kind of nervous about it. I got to yesterday's appointment on my own just fine, but today's is in an area that is a bit tricky to get to with compromised vision/mobility. Hopefully the assisstance I THINK I have set up is a sure thing.

More

So I had the laser done to the right eye last week. I go in in a little over a week for the left eye. Right now I still have spots on the left eye and honestly can't tell if I have new bleeding or if the spots/blurring I have now is still from a couple of weeks ago. It is really quite frustrating. Scary too.

I spoke to the PCP today and he actually screamed at me. Mind you, I was not even accusing him of anything. Despite the fact that the fact that he did not do what he confirmed three times that he did do is HIS FAULT, I was not placing any blame or making any accuastions, I simply said that there must have been some lines crossed with the electric company because they don't have the letter so could be please send it again. Now, had he done it in the first place, he would have just had it to re-send. He didn't. I gave him all of the info again. He screamed at me that my electricity is not his problem, which it isn't, but keeping it on he can help with and I really don't see the gig deal. It is one sentence- literally, that they need from him. I pay my bills, like clockwork for the most part. I have been slightly lax with the electric because of extra medical junk going on BECAUSE I could get the protection. He claims that it isn't his problem. Well, if he can prevent it and he doesn't, and I wind up an asthmatic who can't plug in her nebulizer which runs on electricity, or cook food on her electric stove, or heat/ventilate her bathroom, or refrigerate her insulins... you see what I am getting at here?

Anyway, so moving on, I have swollen up even more. I am very nearly 260lbs now, despite the fact that I have been pushing and pushing and pushing myself all of the time. I walk as much as I can, and thensome. I don't eat all that much. I just don't get it.

I am in so much pain. My legs are getting worse, I not only can't nend them, but I can't extend them fully either. I wake up with my face swollen- moonface. My toes are so swollen that they have their own rolls over themselves and cut off their own circulation, as crazy as that sounds. It is not fair. I can't ned down to scratch. There is so much that I can't do.

I am scared.